KFC, Brixton - Guest Blog

In the first of what I hope will be frequent contributions, I'd like to welcome our man on the ground, codename: 'Earwig Honey' - investigating London's chicken shops to give you the lowdown: is it chicken or is it pigeon? And where better to start than with the Colonel's finest South London establishment?

Warning: Explicit Content






KFC, 467 Brixton Road, SW9 8HH

Is there any point in writing a review of the Colonel’s finest establishment? Aren’t the thousands of yardies, wannabe yardies, crackheads, illegal immigrants, waddling fat fucks and hipsters eating happily side by side, like some grim nightmarish Benetton advert, enough persuasion to eat a piece or two of chicken there?

Ambience/Romance Factor: 1 star or 5 stars

If your date is of the classy persuasion, the kind to either wear pearl earrings or Gant jeans, then the angry fat fucks’ kids running around, throwing Hot Wings bones about the place, might mean this is not for you.

If, however, your date is of a ‘less classy’ persuasion, the kind to wear large hoops from Argos or tracksuit bottoms, then there’ll be no greater aphrodisiac than seeing your own face reflected in the grease dribbling down their triple chins.

For those in between, if there’s not too much residual grease on the tables, seats or dripping from the ceiling then that’s probably all the encouragement one needs to grab something to eat here if you haven't had enough time to cook some fucking pasta or couscous or something.

Presentation: 3 stars

You get your burger/wrap/pieces of chicken in a box or in a wrapper or that tiny shitty paper plate barely large enough for the fries. Presentation is what it is.

Food: 5 stars

This is where Brixton KFC shines. Maybe it’s the artisan chefs trained for 8 years behind the counter preparing your Two Piece Meal like it's your last meal before you’re executed for killing Sanjay the 7/11 gas attendant on a freeway in Texas (make it a Three Piece Meal) or maybe it’s just down to economics, i.e the chicken doesn’t sit around for five days before it finds your plate. Brixton KFC might serve the freshest chicken out of any in London, which is high praise.

As for the ‘dishes’ themselves the fried chicken is hot, tender, greasy and succulent. The wings are a crunchy, spicy worthwhile addition or a snack on their own right. The burgers are the

pièce de résistance: is there any greater evidence that society has reached its pinnacle of innovation by adding a hash brown to the already wonderful Zinger Burger to create the supreme and inspirational Zinger Tower Burger?

Verdict: 4 stars

Whether you’re drunk or sober, if you’re on the way from Brixton tube station to the Ritzy Cinema and you have some coins chinking in your pocket, don’t give them to the crackhead standing outside the station, treat yourself to a treat at the Colonel’s very best instead.

Earwig Honey can be contacted by leaving a box of chicken on the street outside your house at midnight.